It’s a new year! 2020! Guess what my first and really only resolution is: Lose weight/get in shape. Yup. Hey it’s not just me. That’s the number one resolution for Americans. Every. Single. Year. And I’ll confess it’s not the first time I have started a year by striving to slim down a bit.
I used to stay in shape largely by playing sports in high school and college.
I could turn singles into doubles and steal bases. Not today. Now there would have to be an oxygen mask and water fountain half way between bases.
I used to play a lot of men’s league softball and golf. But now I have multiple jobs. Multiple kids. And multiple chins.
Someone once said “Everyone wants to be rich and thin. Nobody wants to work for it.” That’s me I guess. I want to look more like Tom Brady. But I’m not sure I have the dedication to eat avocado ice cream and kale like him.
Maybe I should just embrace my adult growth spurt. Often in sports bigger guys can be fan favorites.
Think Vince Wilfork and John Daly.
And large and in charge guys often get cool nicknames like Boomer. Remember George Scott and David Wells? Both Boomers.
Or the Fridge. Charles Barkley was the “Round mound of rebound”
El Guapo pitched for the Sox. Maybe if I had a cool nickname like that I’d embrace my softening physique a little more. Maybe.
I’d rather be lean and mean. Maybe not quite as skinny as Chris Sale, but a closer body type to his than rather large pitcher Bartolo Colon. I was in the Red Sox clubhouse several years ago and Colon came out of the shower and walked right by me. Wearing nothing he wasn’t born with. He looked like a tan Michelin man.
I fear my exits from the shower might be too darn similar to that these days.
So before I become like Pablo Sandoval, who broke the belt on his uniform while fielding a ground ball a few years back, I’ll try to lay off the pizza and hit the gym.
I’d really like to look more like a string bean, than Butterbean the rotund boxer.
We’ll see if I, and millions of other Americans with the same resolution, can drop some pounds. Or I guess I can start searching for a portly new nickname.