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Watching Sox-Orioles is a special kind of Hell

August 19, 2019

 

I feel like I have passed on from this life and am now in a fiery afterlife being tortured for all of my earthly misdeeds. Apparently I was a real SOB while I was alive because my punishment is severe and causing me great misery. 

 

My Hades consists of the Sox being out of playoff contention. But that’s just the tip of my blazing torment. I find myself sentenced to watch them play the Orioles in meaningless marathon games for what feels like eternity. If I had to guess I would say the Sox play Baltimore 666 times per season.

 

Talk about cruel and unusual punishment. I’d rather have demons poke at my eyeballs with a lobster pick every day than have to sit through three plus hours of Sox-Orioles baseball nightly. Did you know the Orioles have lost 200 games the lkast two seasons combined? and theres still 6 weeks left this year!

 

Pretend it’s judgment day and be honest: outside of the Yankees, do you find any of the American League East teams very compelling? I’ll bet you an extra century in the Underworld that at 2pm on any given afternoon you don’t really say to yourself “Hey, the Sox play the Jays tonight! Sweet! Better pick up some beer on the way home and settle in for an awesome game!”

 

So I have a solution. Stop the unbalanced Major League Baseball schedule and let’s have every team play each other. Like the NBA and NHL. 

 

I know for a handful of old dudes who are opposed to change this is a sin. But the gospel truth is attendance and TV ratings are better for Interleague play. Always have been.

 

Here’s how my heaven sent idea could work.

 

Instead of the current 19 mind numbing games against the teams in your division, let’s reduce that number to 9. Thats 36 games a season against your division. Thats plenty. It’s not like division games count more in the standings anyway. The Sox are mired 16 games being the Yankees because all games count the same.

 

So that leaves 126 games to play the other 25 teams which means 5 games each against every other squad in baseball. Yes, even the Marlins. We’ll do three and two game series. For example, the Cubs can come to Fenway for three then the Sox join them in the windy city for two later in the year. The year after we’ll do the reverse.

 

Yes, to me fire and brimstone is preferable to doing math, but I do know that leaves one extra game. Fine. That can be a “rivalry” game and Boston can ply the Yankees on Sunday night baseball one extra time. ESPN and A-Rod (speaking of demons) will be thrilled.

 

A west coast road trip might include the Angels, Dodgers, Padres and Mariners. Doesn’t that week sound more intriguing than four against Baltimore and three against the Rays?

 

I know its a bit of a challenge for the folks who arrange travel. But for the players, if the schedule is done correctly, it wont be a big deal. A private charter flight from LA to San Diego or New York to Philly after a game is not a big deal. 

 

Managers might get a little more creative with days off for players and they could send the next days starting pitcher ahead to the next city more often. 

 

I know hell will freeze over before this happens but I think it is a great plan to save my soul. And to keep the Orioles off my TV as much as possible. 

 

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