December 2, 2019

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Fourth and Goal With The Bam

June 17, 2019

 

The Women's World Cup is in full swing and it's getting a lot of press for the wrong reason. 

 

The USA team whipped Thailand like a rented mule last week 13-Nill (that's 13-0 for you non soccer heads). 

 

The uproar was swift as our Charmin soft younger generation was mortally offended that the USA team had the unmitigated gall to actually celebrate when they scored goal after goal, as if somehow it was their fault that the Thailand goalie was a sieve. 

 

I drain pasta and my colander stops water more effectively than this girl stops shots. 

 

This faux controversy even brought the human train wreck that is Hope Solo out of the shadows. The former Team USA soccer star apparently had time to take off from verbally assaulting police and beating up her family members to criticize her own country's players for actually being happy about scoring goals in the biggest women's soccer tournament in the world. 

 

The problem isn't, or shouldn't be, with the USA women's team celebrating a 13-0 win. The problem is that teams like Thailand are even in this tournament. 

 

The World Cup is watered down more than a mixed drink at a corporate hotel bar. You don't want to be offended by perceived unnecessary celebrations, then let's find an opponent with an actual goalie, and a modest defense that doesn't leak like a screen door in a rain storm.

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