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3 From Waaaaaay Downtown: Best and Worst Red Sox Player Nicknames

August 28, 2018

The "Unamed Source" is famous in media circles these days. This one in particular works in local sports media, but for any number of reasons, wants to stay anonymous.

 

On MLB Players Weekend, players get to wear custom gear and pimp out there bats. Unfortunately they also have to wear the geekiest uniforms since the Chicago White Sox wore shorts and collars back in the 1970’s. 

 

The one thing that could redeem these bowling shoe ugly jerseys is that players get to add a nickname to the back. Here are the 3 worst and 3 best nicknames the Red Sox featured this past weekend in Tampa. 

 

3 Worst

 

3. Ian Kinsler- Nickname: Bootsie. Call me old fashioned but I don’t want my second basemen, or any of my infielders, to have a nickname that’s a connotation for committing an error. 

 

2. Heath Hembree- Nickname: Heater Here. Hembree does not have good enough stuff to tell batters ahead of time what he’s going to throw let alone the location. Most batters already know what they are getting from Hembree, he doesn’t need to advertise it further. 

 

1. Drew Pomeranz- Nickname: Big Smooth. Drew Pomeranz has had the rockiest of rocky seasons, the only smooth thing he’s done this year is slink off to the bullpen. 

 

3 Best

 

3. Joe Kelly- Nickname: Jimmy B. A call back to that time in Spring Training where Joe Kelly dressed as an older gentleman purporting to be a reporter named Jim Buchanan. It’s gimmicky, it’s kind of fun, but I still liked Kelly better when he was plunking Yankees and then punching them in the face. 

 

2. Craig Kimbrel- Nickname: Dirty Craig. His stuff is dirty. His hat is dirty. His first name is Craig. These things don’t have to be that hard people. 

 

1. Chris Sale- Nickname: The Conductor. Now Sale won this last year too when he went by “Stickman”. 

 

(Because he’s skinny, not in the same way as Sylvester Stallone defined Burgess Meredith, as far as we know.) Nobody knew the origin of this one as it appeared to matriculate out of nowhere but Sale intimated that Pedroia gave him the nickname (his greatest contribution to the 2018 Boston Red Sox.) Pedroia’s reason: “Think about it, what does a conductor do? They punch tickets.” 

 

Winner winner, chicken dinner.

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